(10) years ago this morning, I was sitting on the couch with Sasha the cat watching CNN like I did every Tuesday morning – daydreaming about nothing, trying to decipher in my mind the bullshit that I had written the night previous for Architectural Theory class. I was 29 years of age in my 4th year at Mississippi State, stumbling into my 7th year of a weakening marriage. I didn’t know why at the time, but I remember thinking that this day was going to be a tall boy Budweiser type a day. I just wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t looking forward to explaining the drivel I had penned about dynamic interstitial space. Architecture school is ridiculous, no?
I don’t think I was aware of the gravity of the situation when Aaron Brown first reported that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. (Did you know that 9.11.01 was his first live broadcast at CNN? What a shitty first day on a new job.) I remember (earlier that summer maybe) a civilian aircraft wondering into NYC airspace and it turned out to be an amateur pilot teaching his kid how to fly or something. Big deal. I assumed this day, that it was a similar, more unfortunate mishap. ‘There sure is a lot of smoke though for a Cessna.’ When I saw the 2nd plane screaming into frame over Brown’s shoulder and slamming into the south tower I awoke from that Tuesday sleepwalk. “I didn’t really just see what I think I did, right?” said I aloud to Sasha the cat. “Yup”, she meowed. The clock on the wall said 8:03 – 56 minutes later the south tower would crumble back down to earth. 29 minutes after, the north tower joined it’s twin in defeat and every day since the enormity of what I had just witnessed would slowly begin to register in my brain a little bit more.
I didn’t go to class that morning. I didn’t even make it off of the couch. I was paralyzed. I was utterly, wholly transfixed by the tragic history that was unfolding right before my very eyes on live television. I just sat there staring at the TV – mesmerized – absently petting Sasha the cat all day.
We all know the rest of the story now about the 3rd and 4th planes. (19) fundamentalist zealots, an element of this rogue Islamic faction that is al-Qaeda, did this to the greatest nation that has ever been? It’s astonishing when you think about the colossal amount of suffering that these few were able to inflict on so many. How could this happen to us? 2,977 dead? On American soil?
Yes. It happened. Why and who could have followed through with a plan like this? Nobody can read and / or understand the thoughts of a killer to ascertain why, but we now know who – Osama bin Laden. I only include this next section as a history lesson. Many of you probably know it already but some do not. It’s only intended as context. bin Laden was not an unknown personality to our government.
After dropping out of college in 1979, bin Laden went to Pakistan and joined Abdullah Azzam and the mujahedeen to take part in the Soviet war in Afghanistan, and quickly ascended their ranks. From 1979 to 1989, the United States “unofficially” provided financial aid and weapons to the mujahedeen leaders through a militant Pakistani “dark-ops” governmental arm (ISI). bin Laden met and built a relationship with Hamid Gul, a three star general in the Pakistani army and head of the ISI. Although the United States provided the money and weapons, the training of militant groups was entirely conducted by the Pakistani Armed Forces and the ISI.
Many of my liberal brethren have publicly stated that based on this fact, the US was not only aware of this danger, but also somehow to blame for 9.11. Moreover, we should have seen this coming. I do not share that belief. I submit, that I’m okay knowing that we used bin Laden when we needed him and the mujahedeen to fight Russians. It would not have been prudent for the United States to engage in a fight with the Soviets at that point in the cold war. I do not agree that we “created” Osama bin Laden however.
My opinion aside, al-Qaeda was in fact officially created on 11 August 1988 when several senior members of the Egyptian Islamic Jihad, Azzam and bin Laden met and decided to marry bin Laden’s riches with the covert expertise of EIJ and agreed to “spread the jihadist cause to the entire world”. bin Laden returned to Saudi Arabia a jihadist, heroic, legend in 1990 after “defeating” the Soviets. In simple terms, the more extreme remnant elements of the mujahedeen re-organized themselves as al-Qaeda.
There are a million theories on why this prick chose the path he did, but no one will ever really know why now.
In spite of all of the despicable things that he did: he was a human being. He chose to do the things that he did. He was always in control and aware of what kind of mayhem he was perpetuating. I have such a hard time believing that (1) individual can possess that level of hate in their spirit. It’s not like this is a new concept though – Hitler annihilated 65% of an entire race because he was pissed that he was short, had only one testicle and really wasn’t that great of an artist.
The obvious notwithstanding; the depth of cruelty that human beings are capable of and willing to inflict on other human beings is and has always been astounding to me. This one collection of maniacs alone are responsible for countless unspeakable acts – WTC bombing in ’93, US embassy bombings in ’98, USS Cole, Riyadh, Istanbul, Madrid train bombings, ’04 Khobar massacre, London, Algiers, Islamabad: and these are only the ones that we know about.
Enough about them – today is about us.
Of all the stories regarding 9.11 that you have heard, the one that rips and tears at me the most is that of Flight 93. I’m obsessed with it. There are voicemails that passengers on that flight left for loved ones that are public record now. I can’t listen to them. It is unfathomable to me what these brave souls must have been going through, the heart wrenching knowledge that they were certainly going to die. In dying they knew that they would save the lives of countless others and that is the exact definition of a hero, in my opinion. Would you have had the same emotional resolve to carry out the mission that these guys saw as their duty? Would you have had the psychological fortitude to settle on, accept and then act so decisively on that decision? I ask myself that question all the time. And as many times as I’ve asked, I still candidly don’t know the answer. If it’s me on that plane, do I say “Are you guys ready? Ok. Let’s roll!” like Todd Beamer did? I’d like to think that I would, but honestly I don’t make any promises. I don’t know that I would be that brave. Realistically, it is more than I am able to wrap my mind around.
When I fly, I always get an aisle seat. In large part because I am extremely claustrophobic but also because I don’t want to be blocked in if this bullshit ever happens again. I try to figure out who might be a threat, who I can take and who I can’t. Who will die first if this thing pops like it did that day? To be 100% true, I racially profile the cabin based on who I now know the perpetrators of 9.11 were. I’m not proud of that fact but what do you do?
Possibly the most tragic aspect of 9.11 and why I think it has affected us as country so greatly is that it was “us” who died. It wasn’t our soldiers, thousands of miles from home in a war that we were watching. We were forced to see bankers and secretaries and lawyers and janitors and IT guys and accountants die. We had to watch it – we could not look away. And we still cannot: nor should we.
The real heroes that day? The NYFD. The first responders. Those guys charged up the stairwell of a building, that they had to know was coming down, and didn’t think twice about it. That is actually their job description though, isn’t it? Can you be more in awe of a group of people than those 411 guys who gave the ultimate sacrifice that day? They didn’t even blink! They did their job unbelievably, exceptionally, without hesitation or thought to their own safety. I remain inspired by what I saw those guys endeavor to accomplish that day.
There really are too many stories to tell though. And I don’t really know any of them. I’ve only observed. I wasn’t there that day. I don’t really know what to say to the people who were, or to those who lost loved ones that day. Empathy isn’t nearly a strong enough emotion in this circumstance. We can all say we remember, and we will never forget, but there is no way that we can truly empathize.
The memory of the reality of that day is bigger than we are.
(10) years ago today, there was nothing that we could do. I, just like you, sat there helpless. Stunned. Questioning. Terrified.
(10) years later, bin Laden is dead. al-Qaeda acknowledged bin Laden’s death on May 6, 2011, vowing to retaliate.
Of the many tragic stories of 9.11 and there are literally thousands, this is the story of one individual who lost his life that horrific day (10) years ago. I warn you beforehand that there are moments in this video that are graphic and there are images that you will not want to see, but I think you owe it to the memory of those who died that day to watch it. It's an essential act of witness, but it is the hardest film I’ve ever sat through. It is emotionally draining. As I said earlier, 9.11 is bigger than I am – bigger than all of us. No matter how much you want to look away, you can’t allow yourself to. This is important. It’s only one story but it crystallizes why this day is so inextricably linked to and tattooed upon our collective identity.
“9.11 was one of the most pivotal events in world history. Its impact will be felt for years to come. You owe it to yourself to go beyond the sound bites and the simplified official story. This is an extremely complicated story with numerous players and motives. The 9.11 information doesn't all make sense or fit neatly together. It's a story full of espionage, deceit, and lies. But if there are forces out there tricking us, they can only succeed if we, the general public, remain ignorant and passive.”
Godspeed 9.11 victims. Godspeed the soldiers still fighting this war.
Godspeed us all, and let us never forget the horror of that day (10) years ago.
Peace and Love
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