The Lowe's Epiphany

Saturday morning at or around 7:30 AM, I was standing in Lowe's dissecting the benefits of using ¾” copper pipe fittings over ½” copper pipe fittings.  There was a long list of pros and cons for each but the internal debate stretched way past the ordinary, even for me.  As I was approaching the (10) minute mark of this deliberation I lost track of my own argument in support of my inclination to select the ¾” fittings.  For what do I need copper fittings, I’m sure you’re asking yourself at this point, right?  That’s the kicker – I have absolutely no reason to purchase or for that matter internally contest the merits of copper pipe fittings!  Yes, there was a blurred memory of a copper side-table I designed once bouncing around the walls of my skull, but it certainly wasn’t in the queue for construction Saturday or any time in the near future.  Whatever.  I got sidetracked.  Back to the list.

A short time later, as I mulled the financial implications of laying flagstone on the patio against the cheaper, but much less durable and aesthetically pleasing simple concrete staining option, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a guy I thought I recognized.   I could tell that he thought he knew me as well.  Having no desire to navigate that “What’s your name again?” awkwardness this early on a Saturday I quickly closed my cerebral proceedings and hurried on to the paint aisle.  Where’s that list again?

This is where it starts to get interesting.  I was standing there among the multi-colored array of spray paint caps thinking how pointless spray paint is.  Who uses this?  I have and I can never get a proper finish on whatever it is I am painting.  What a waist of space in this store and on this earth.  I was near livid thinking about the futility of attempting to achieve an acceptable level of quality using spray paint. On to the hardware aisle – that’s what I need.  There are all manner of screws and bolts and threaded rods and hinges and brace plates and stainless washers and metal things over there.  

That’s when it hit me:  H-O-L-Y SHIT!  I’ve completely skated past middle-age and hopped the express train straight in to OLD MAN town!!  I don’t even have a list!  I don’t need any of this crap!  What the hell am I even doing here?

As I rushed out of the store I realized where I knew the guy from the flooring department from – it was from right there!  Last weekend he was in the garden section though, I’m almost sure of it.  I’ve apparently been going to Lowe's on Saturday (or Sunday) morning for so long now that I recognize the other lunatics who do the same thing.  I found an odd comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the only man with this compulsion but the big question still remained.  Why? 

Have you ever watched the movie Conspiracy Theory?  It’s not that good: I don’t recommend it but that’s not the point.  Jerry, Mel Gibson’s character, is a paranoid crazy person who entertains all sorts of delusions about government cover-ups, aliens, political assassination plots etc, etc.  Every time he finds himself in a book store he is compelled to buy a copy of Catcher in the Rye.  The act itself makes him feel normal he explains when asked.  He can’t ascertain why exactly but I get it. I understand that I’m drawing a comparison between myself and a paranoid schizophrenic but on this point, I’m okay with it.

Years ago, a lifetime it seems at this point, I was a carpenter – I was a craftsman. I built houses, I built furniture – I built stuff: I did things with my two bare hands that were incredible. I’m actually sitting in a chair at a table that I designed and built as I write these words now.  In fact, most of the furniture in my house, I designed and constructed. At the end of those days on a job site or in a workshop I was physically and mentally spent, completely exhausted.  It was awesomely rewarding though to look back and be able to see what I had done, what these two hands had created.  I felt an incredible sense of pride in transforming a modest stack of raw lumber into a house, a home for a family to make a life in, to make memories in.  That’s what we did and what my family still does – what we’ve always done.  I’m proud of that. I’m proud of that heritage from which I came.  There was a sense of accomplishment that I felt when the sun went down on those days that I don’t always feel during these. 

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do and I don’t think I would trade my life with anyone.  I design buildings and buildings are built.  Where once was nothing, now there is something.  It’s similar, but not the same.  I can only watch these structures come out of the ground now where once I brought them out.

The Lowe's Epiphany is not that I’ve turned into an old man, or that I've lost my mind (though a measure of both are probably true) it’s simply that I need to get my ass back in the workshop.  That’s where I've always found my center and that’s exactly where I need to be.  The bottom line is that I miss getting my hands dirty on the regular.

So now if you happen to see me in the power tools section gently caressing a table saw with a lovesick look in my eyes you’ll know why.   

It’s passed time I bring it all back.